Have you ever read something from somebody, and wonder why they stopped writing? Usually when I investigate why a writer stops being a writer I find they've moved on to something more permanent, death. Recently I remembered that I once wrote a few short blog entries and received a few quick views, and while almost everyone of the pieces of feedback I got were positive in nature I stopped, and only now have I figured out why, though as my dusty old blog description states, it is truly moronic.
Most people are afraid to fail. The idea that what they put their hopes and dreams into might not work out and leave them on the losing end of a huge gamble, is enough to keep people from trying. This was never the case for me. I never had a problem with failure, in fact I sought it out. I never got along with many people, in fact, my sixth grade math teacher reviled me so much that he told the entire class that i was "never going to make anything of myself". I'm much older now, and realize how ridicules it is for a 30 year old man, that teaches out of closet sized classroom, to tell a twelve year old he should give up on life. Unfortunately at the time I believed him, how could I not? No matter what anyone says an educator is much like a parent, we all want to impress our teachers, and when your first experience as a middle school student is a man who in essence is telling you to go kill yourself, life starts to get tough. I don't truly believe that my sixth grade math teacher wants me dead, but the concepts of giving up, and suicide are not that far apart.
Wow, got deep there.... Lets pull up.
The point im trying to make is that from a young age I learned to define myself by my failures, failure was easy. When you succeed at something the next question is 'Now what?', but if you fail you have a multitude of excuses you can use ranging from 'I'll get it next time', to 'It was stupid anyway'. I'm not saying failure is good, far from it, I'm saying failure is easy. When I was twelve I looked at success building something that someone could tear down; rather then go through that I found it easier to hide, so nobody could criticize me.
I'm twenty-one now, and I've had an epiphany, I've seen the worst of it. I'm not afraid to talk to women, the worst they can do is reject me. I'm not afraid to go on a stage in front of a large crowed, the worst they can do is boo me. I'm not afraid of posting my thoughts on a blog, the worst that could happen is a rough comment. What I'm truly afraid of is giving up, what I fear most is neve regretting to be me, because I think I'm not worth it, and I've already done that. Nothing can hurt me anymore, because the worst is over, and one day I'm going to succeed, and its all going to be worth it, I just got to keep trying.
I know this is a heavy return to my blog, but if this is going to be an exploration of concepts authored by me, I think its best we all know where I come from. Oh and by the way, my sixth grade math teacher really does teach out of a room the size of a small bedroom now, because the school board can't fire him, so they're minimizing the damage. Everyone knows he's a failure in his craft, it explains a lot.
Most people are afraid to fail. The idea that what they put their hopes and dreams into might not work out and leave them on the losing end of a huge gamble, is enough to keep people from trying. This was never the case for me. I never had a problem with failure, in fact I sought it out. I never got along with many people, in fact, my sixth grade math teacher reviled me so much that he told the entire class that i was "never going to make anything of myself". I'm much older now, and realize how ridicules it is for a 30 year old man, that teaches out of closet sized classroom, to tell a twelve year old he should give up on life. Unfortunately at the time I believed him, how could I not? No matter what anyone says an educator is much like a parent, we all want to impress our teachers, and when your first experience as a middle school student is a man who in essence is telling you to go kill yourself, life starts to get tough. I don't truly believe that my sixth grade math teacher wants me dead, but the concepts of giving up, and suicide are not that far apart.
Wow, got deep there.... Lets pull up.
The point im trying to make is that from a young age I learned to define myself by my failures, failure was easy. When you succeed at something the next question is 'Now what?', but if you fail you have a multitude of excuses you can use ranging from 'I'll get it next time', to 'It was stupid anyway'. I'm not saying failure is good, far from it, I'm saying failure is easy. When I was twelve I looked at success building something that someone could tear down; rather then go through that I found it easier to hide, so nobody could criticize me.
I'm twenty-one now, and I've had an epiphany, I've seen the worst of it. I'm not afraid to talk to women, the worst they can do is reject me. I'm not afraid to go on a stage in front of a large crowed, the worst they can do is boo me. I'm not afraid of posting my thoughts on a blog, the worst that could happen is a rough comment. What I'm truly afraid of is giving up, what I fear most is neve regretting to be me, because I think I'm not worth it, and I've already done that. Nothing can hurt me anymore, because the worst is over, and one day I'm going to succeed, and its all going to be worth it, I just got to keep trying.
I know this is a heavy return to my blog, but if this is going to be an exploration of concepts authored by me, I think its best we all know where I come from. Oh and by the way, my sixth grade math teacher really does teach out of a room the size of a small bedroom now, because the school board can't fire him, so they're minimizing the damage. Everyone knows he's a failure in his craft, it explains a lot.
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